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Reflections on the Bad Camouflage Era

Ding, dong, the insane camo is dead. The longtime military nightmare is over. No longer will we have people looking quizzicaly at us, wondering exactly what it is we're supposed to be blending in with. No more blown out crotches, no more busted zippers and velcro that doesn't stick. The Universal Camouflage Pattern is done.

Where did such a thing come from? What madman farted out such a terrible color scheme which only blends in when laying in a gravel pit or the motorpool parking area? If you said "One general who immediately retired and then went to work for the company who kept farting this garbage out" then you would be correct.

Not only was the pattern a color that would only be found on moonscapes, but the material was absolute garbage too. Many soldiers have varying stories about their pants blowing out in the middle of a patrol when taking a knee. And I'd say maybe about half of us were "going commando" at any given time. Generally not a great way to greet the village elders.

The new uniforms are a bit better, but it will never replace the old Battle Dress Uniform of the 90s, when men were men and your uniform was made out pieces of a canvas tent.


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