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Doing a coup for the 'gram

It's hard to find good help these days, especially when you're Juan Guaido looking for someone, anyone, to overthrow an elected leader of a South American country. The CIA just doesn't have the power it once did, and we're too concerned with losing wars in Afghanistan right now to be bothered with losing south of the equator. What is a struggling despot to do?

You can hear the bonus in which we speak about this more with the TrashFuture podcast on our Patreon

Fortunately for you (and your aspiring illegal leadership plans) there is a glut of mercenary companies in the US just begging for a sweet contract to pull them out of the drudgery of doing security for Saudi royalty second cousins. Special Forces troops who are unable to bang out a best selling book are instead turning to the Scare Market to sell your corporation piece of mind on what to do in the event of an active shooter. Certainly having some roided up personification of a high and tight haircut deserves roughly 5k in consulting fees to show up and make everyone worried about that one IT dude who is a bit too quiet.

Guaido (allegedly) hired one of these companies by the name of Silvercorp USA run by former Green Beret Jordan Goudreau. Silvercorp spent some time in the Bogata JW Marriott rubbing shoulders with Venezuelan dissidents being told by multiple people there was no way they could pull it off and they should just go home. Some of the people telling them to fuck off home even included a Trump bodyguard who apparently just hangs out in Central America looking for people who would be good in doing a coup?

But the men of the Green Berets don't back down from a fight, even if it's one no one invited them to, paid them to do, or in any way asked to happen. If you can't get the "Lets kill Castro with exploding cigars" CIA to back your plan, you need to consider that you have a shit plan.

Look I will admit now, i'm not an expert on doing a coup so maybe I'm not the one to be speaking on this. I am a Soldier though, and I can tell you that people getting out of the military with no real marketable skills is just going to lead them to becoming mercenaries or sell something stupid like whiskey with bullets in it or racist coffee.

If you're very very lucky, they just start podcasts and shitpost online

But I would say if *I* were to start a coup and was looking for a few good men with the right stuff, I wouldn't go for some dude making goofy-ass Instagram posts like some mercenary E-girl THOT.

These are pictures of an unwell man. Standing and staring off into the distance, flexing so hard it looks like he's hurting, very obvious cell phone in his pocket, and just the most insane hashtags that could be used.

Before getting into the regime toppling business, Silvercorp USA did Active Shooter training for corporations ,schools, churches (really anyone willing to pay the 5K consulting fee) but these hashtags tell a story of a man who cannot figure out what exactly he wants to do with his life. A Special Forces Soldier? A nutrition expert? An adventure fitness...person? A Harley Davidson motorcycle?

In a perfect world, Goudreau would have just done security for rich assholes and retired to some compound where he could make videos about the libs in peace from the front seat of his Subaru. Instead, we have two members of Silvercorp in a Venezuelan prison, another comically failed Coup, and just a general embarassment for everyone involved (Except the real troops, the brave Venezuelan fishermen who took them prisoner with a pistol)

As we say on the podcast, we're not here to cast any dispersion or throw shade on the Maduro presidency, but we will say that if you're going to start a coup as a mercenary group you should 1) at least make sure you get a down payment from the presidential hopeful 2) feed your damn troops and 3) Not get owned this fucking hard by doing a broad daylight raid in which fishermen stop you because you're being a huge asshole and fucking with their catch.

But I will say this: Goudreau was a true leader in all of this. By not being there at all and instead posting through it.


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