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The Army: A Gap Year Where You Get Killed

This week on What a Hell of a Way to Die, Nate and Francis discuss Army recruiting and just how much your average staff sergeant has to debase themselves to hit their goals.

Look, I'm a 35 year old staff sergeant and honestly a motivated individual who isn't a complete idiot can get my rank before the age of 30. Recruiters are generally E-6 types looking for their next promotion. Their age isn't too far removed from the kids they are trying to convince to go goosestep around foreign countries. You would think they would be better at this. But even fielding an E-sports team to tell the Fortnite kids all about free college while attempting to snipe someone through a fence with a rocket just isn't working.

Recruiters are feeling the crunch, especially in places like Seattle, where minimum wage is better than what the Army offers. And probably doesn't involve getting shot at for the money either. Fox News had a pearl clutching article in which they fretted about recruiters pushing for more recruiting in liberal cities (Citing that uber leftist haven of Kansas City, Missouri). Who would think recruitment would step up their efforts in the places where literally most of the population is?

Then we talk about the latest retired General taking on Trump, Stanley McChrystal. Who is, of course, an utter bastard and should not be allowed into your hashtag resistance. He was part of the Pat Tillman cover-up and he banned the fast food joints in Afghanistan because he's a dipshit robot who eats 4k calories in one sitting and then runs 14 miles.

In conclusion: Fuck em.

For this week’s bonus episode, Nate and Francis review the 1994 classic Pauly Shore film ‘In the Army Now’ and ask the most important question: is it fascist? Patreon subscribers at the $3 tier and above can access that episode here

*Veterans t-shirt notice* We have a new shirt available on our store. Did you know that VA disability is UBI for warriors? Well, you do now

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